I have nothing without you (Ichigo x Rukia songfic)
by TearxCoveredxRosesx
Summary: Ichigo needs Rukia in his life. He never leaves the house, and has turned to alcohol to cope. Can he win her back? Or will he be left with nothing.


(Orihime)

Slumping into Keigos kitchen chair  
I stirred my tea absent minded

''Was he any better today..?''  
He asked me  
Sounding hopeful

I shook my head sadly

"Same as every other day..''

Keigos face fell  
And his hands tightened their grip on his coffee mug

Were I not here  
I'm sure he would cry

I wanted to cry too  
There was nothing we could do for him  
Our friend  
The man I love

* * *

(Ichigo)

The rain was pounding down hard against my window  
The wind howled  
But I hardly heard it

Hardly noticed

_**Am I better off dead?**_

The bottle of scotch slid from between my knees  
and rolled across the floor  
Soaking the white carpet

**_Am I better off a quitter?_**

Laughing bitterly  
I couldn't help think how angry she would be if she could see this  
If she could see me

**_They say I'm better off now_**  
**_Than I ever was with her_**

''Rukia..''

I felt a pang of sadness the second her name left my lips

Rukia Kuchiki

The only girl I've ever loved  
Probably the only girl I'll _ever_love

* * *

Walking between Chad and Keigo  
I was hardly five steps outside  
And already regretting the decision to go out

**_As they take me to my local down the street_**

Sensing this  
Keigo gripped my shoulder  
As if t comfort me

''C'mon, Ichigo it's been six months.. you gotta move on''

Forcing a smile  
I tried to sound cheerful

''Yeah, you're probably right''

**_I'm smiling but I'm dying to drag my feet_**

The bar reeked of sweat and beer  
Ignoring it  
I plopped down between my two friends  
Not bothering to keep up with conversation

**_They say a few drinks will help me to forget her_**

''What can I get you, cutie?''  
The young waitress gives me a 100 watt smile

She was blonde  
tall  
big baby blue eyes

Not at all my type

''Just a beer, please''

**_But after one too many I know that I'll never_**

If my curt reply offended her  
She didn't let it show

Keigo elbowed me in the ribs

''She totally liked you! Take a hint man''

Chad glanced at me  
Looking concerned

but unlike or hyper active friend  
he said nothing

Shrugging lightly  
I sipped my drink

''I didn't notice''

My first lie of the night

**_Only they can't see where this is gonna end_**

Not one to give up easy  
Keigo tried again

''How about Orihime? She's liked you since high school''

''She isn't really my type''

Keigo looked abashed at my reasoning

''Orihime is beautiful! and innocent''  
He looked ready to drool

Chuckling  
I suggested he date her

''She doesn't see anyone but you''  
He responded

''I can't believe you're not into her''

**_They all think I'm crazy but to me __it's perfect sense_**

* * *

Stumbling back to my apartment  
Keigo and Chad were on either side of me  
Holding up my weight

I was too drunk to think  
So why did my heart still hurt?

**_And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_**

Groaning  
I started calling for her

For my Rukia

I would get home  
And she'd laugh  
Even though she wanted to be angry

_'**Cause I'm shouting your name all over town**_

And tomorrow  
She'd be loud and obnoxious  
Because she knows I'm hung over

''Ichigo, keep your voice down people are staring''  
Keigo hissed

I hadn't realized all that was coming out of my mouth  
Not just in my head

But I didn't care

All that mattered was getting home to her

**_I'm swearing if I go there now_**  
**_I can change her mind, turn it all around_**

Turning on the bedroom light  
They dropped me on the bed

The room spun  
I couldn't find Rukia

Where is she?

**_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_**

Sitting down next to me  
Chad handed me a glass of water

''Drink it, it'll help lessen the hangover tomorrow''

Gulping it down  
I leaned back into the pillows  
Taking a deep breath

But the scent I yearned for was long gone

**_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_**

''Come on Keigo, let's leave him alone

Nodding  
Keigo sent me one last sad look  
Before following Chad out the door

Fumbling at my desk drawer  
I pulled out my cell

And dialed her number  
I still knew it by heart

**_So I, dialed her number and confessed to her_**

''Rukia...?''

I whispered into the receiver

''Rukia, I love you. Please come home''

I begged her  
My voice breaking

**_I'm still in love but all I heard_**  
**_Was nothing_**

Gripping the phone  
I held it until my knuckles turned white  
But still  
Her voice never came to me  
She never said a word

''DAMMIT''

I threw the phone across the room  
Watching it hit the wall  
And fly into pieces

I needed to see her

* * *

Racing down the sidewalk  
The wind whipped my face

And all I could hear was my heart  
Thudding in my chest

It was six am  
She'd be angry I came so early  
That I ran in this rain  
She'd be furious

But I needed her

**_So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences_**

I had taken everything for granted  
Her voice  
Her face  
Her smell  
The way she walked  
The way she talked

Every thing that she is  
Every thing that we were

_**I know if we're face to face then she'll come to her senses**_

I could still remember High School  
She'd seemed like nothing special  
Just a weird transfer student

Just another girl

**_Every drunk step I take leads me to her door_**

But she wasn't just another girl  
I'd met her  
hated her  
liked her  
loved her

She turned my life upside down  
And I couldn't live without her now

**_If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure_**

I'd gone from running  
To walking  
Trying to find my way in the pouring rain  
Seemed impossible

''I-Ichigo?"

Turning my head to the sudden voice  
I saw Orihime  
Rain Jacket and all

''Orihime..''

''I-I saw you, run passed my house..''

She mumbled  
looking worried

**_And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_**

''I'm going to see Rukia''  
I told her  
Ignoring the look of hurt on her face

''Ichigo.. you know you shouldn't..''

''I need to see her, Orihime!''

**_'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_**

I felt bad when she flinched  
But only a little  
Not much mattered to me in this drunken state

''I can fix this, I can get her back''

Her look turned to sadness  
Then to pity

**_I'm swearing if I go there now_**  
**_I can change her mind, turn it all around_**

''You can't let go of her can you..''  
It wasn't a question  
Orihime already knew my answer

''I love her''

''I know you do..''

**_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_**

Taking a deep breath  
She walked to my side

''Let me show you the way, you'll get lost on you own''

''Thanks''

Smiling softly  
She took my hand  
leading me forward

**_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_**

As the sun started to rise  
The fog began to clear  
Both in front of us  
And in my mind

My thoughts were becoming less hazy  
And reality was setting in

_**So I, dialed her number and confessed to her**_

''..I called her, last night''

''You knew she wouldn't answer didn't you?''

The question made my stomach turn

''I think somewhere I did, deep down''

**_I'm still in love but all I heard_**  
**_Was nothing_**

* * *

I could hardly remember the first month after she'd left  
My friends watched horrified  
As I drowned my sorrows in alcohol

I became a different person

**_And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_**

Keigo had tried an intervention  
I can dimly recall him waving a flashlight in my eyes  
Almost unable to take it seriously

_**'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town**_

Orihime had been the most worried  
Coming over ever day to clean my apartment  
And made sure I ate fresh meals

But it was clear to everyone else what she was hoping for  
Even me

**_I'm swearing if I go there now_**  
**_I can change her mind, turn it all around_**

I had no interest in the orange haired girl  
My thoughts stayed glued to a certain pale beauty with raven hair

And there was room for now one else

_**And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words**_

Keigo suggested I try dating  
Usually bringing up Orihime  
Or women at local bars  
But none of them even caught my eye

None of them were anything to compare to her

_**And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred**_

I'd called her number  
Over an over  
But alas  
It had gotten me no where

**_So I, dialed her number and confessed to her_**

It had been months before I left the house  
And that was for work  
Or to get more alcohol  
I was a wreck

Hell  
I still am

**_I'm still in love but all I heard_**  
_**Was nothing**  
_

* * *

We were walking on grass now  
Cutting through people's yards  
To reach our destination

_**Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing**_

Without the haze effecting my mind  
I knew where I was heading

But even so  
The sight was almost impossible to take in

The cold wet gravestone  
Had to be lying

_**Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating**_

Dropping to my knees  
I let my fingers slide over the words

**Rukia Kuchiki**

The memories alcohol had helped me suppress  
Came flooding back  
The car crash  
The hospital

And most of all  
Losing Rukia

I could remember trying to reach for her  
From the front seat of the car  
I remember her being cold  
Lifeless

Dead on impact  
They had said

**_Ohh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking_**

My friends had tried to console me  
By saying I was still young  
There were other girls  
How they'd never understood how we could be together  
When we fought so much

**_When you realize there's no one waiting_**

But I loved Rukia

In a way they were never able to understand  
She'd meant the world to me

Orihimes hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts  
She looked pained too  
Rukia had been her friend

Even though we had both known how Orihime felt about me  
She had taken it with grace

**_Am I better off dead?_**

But..  
Even with Orihime by my side  
Still being there for me  
Still loving me

I was empty

No one could replace Rukia

**_Am I better off a quitter?_**

Moving Orihimes hand from my shoulder  
I stared into her eyes  
And I realized she knew it too  
That I would never feel that way for her  
That I may never feel that way for anyone again

**_They say I'm better off now_**  
_**Than I ever was with** **her**_

* * *

So  
Here I am  
Sitting on the floor  
surrounded by spilled Scotch

Unable to move on  
Unable to forget  
Heart at a standstill with my head

Alone

And wishing more than anything  
That I could go back

**_I have nothing_**


End file.
